28 August 2011

It's As Though The Candy Should Belong To Him....

I’m fully aware that this is the first blog I’ve written in, like, six months. It should probably be a piece riddled with beautiful, Soldier adulating prose.

Maybe next week. Today I’m pissy, I haven’t talked to my husband, and the underwire broke in my bra. The clouds keep coming in, and there's just a tiny bit of rain. Then the clouds part and we're back to the miserable hot that makes me grumpy enough to punch a kitten.

Despite the oven-like heat, the fall semester has started, which means a few things:

I am already officially frustrated with the classes that I thought would come most easily to me.

Campus is swarming with every 17 year old flippy haired, patchouli smelling high school graduate in Colorado Springs (except for those going to actual colleges).

I can now purchase candles and plug ins that make my house smell like baked goods. Fall and winter are the only two seasons where cinnamon, apple, or coffee scented things are allowed in my home. Otherwise, I'd gain another hundred pounds and you'd find me sitting in my closet, eating carrot cake mix out of the box. I'm just saying.

We're almost ninety days into this CRAPCRAPMEGACRAP deployment. It feels like it's moving at a snail's pace (if the snail were on crutches and in high heels). But ninety days is three months, and three months is a quarter of the deployment down. I guess 25% isn't so small, percentage wise. Hells bells, those math classes are paying off.

It also means that we're creeping up on the Midget's third birthday, and the first Halloween that he'll actually have some understanding of what's going on. It's a double edged sword, though, his understanding Halloween. Sure, he can walk on his own, he's old enough to pronounce “trick or treat”, and he's decided to dress as Daddy, which is the cutest EFFING thing I've ever seen. I know, I know, it really seems like any down side would be simply overshadowed by all of this, right? WRONG.

“Why?” You ask?

Because, people, genetics are a BITCH. He loves all the candy I love, which means that I either have to sneak the good pieces out (hello, Reese’s, you delicious mofos) or actually share. I think it’s crap, to be honest. I thought that one of the simple pleasures of parenting a toddler was getting the good candy. I mean, I bought the costume, I’m the one taking him out in the cold and making sure he doesn’t get hit by a car or doesn’t end up on a milk carton.

I think I may have found the only acceptable solution.

I’m telling him the good candy tastes like vegetables.


injaynesworld said...

Sure. Take his candy. Swap it out with veggies, but be prepared to be skewered when he's old enough to see his first therapist. ;)

I'm sorry your hubby is away. That's got to be so hard. Congressmen's sons and daughters should be required to serve. Maybe then they'd think twice about the consequences of their actions. I admire the hell out of you.

Contemplations of an Army Wife said...

The admiration is mutual! I wonder if I can get away with this year of candy steal-age...I mean, he's only three....

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

I'm in Baton Rouge and work in a chemical plant (outside) so believe me I could punch five or six kittens at this point.

Contemplations of an Army Wife said...

That, too, would make me want to punch kittens. Although, I'll be honest, it's not like my temper had that long a fuse to begin with.

Linda Medrano said...

That short soldier is the cutest thing I have ever seen. If he comes to visit me, I'll give him all the candy he wants! He looks edible himself!

Ice Princess said...

Stumbled across your blog via Blogher. Hilarious. I thought I was the only person EVER to have an underwire snap. HA!

Good luck to you and yours!