27 December 2009

'Tis The Season (To Be Somewhere Else?)

Have you ever been swatted by the weather fairy and received an oddly placed beautiful weather day? If so, have you ever been so pleased by it that you wanted clean until the goodness of that misplaced climate was squeezed dry like a lemon into freshly made iced tea?

And if you have had both of those things happen, have you ever been struck with all of this grandeur whilst stuck at work?

Yes, I realize that this probably has happened to most (if not all) of you, and that it also has happened to anyone who was surprised by an early spring, or any woman who has been stuck with nesting lunacy. I also realize that I have an incredibly small reader base (who are all rock stars, by the way), so the chance of this having happened to those reading is pretty good.

Anyway, it’s an incredibly pleasant, balmy forty seven degrees, and it’s the dead of winter in Maryland.

And since I’ve Murphy’s Oil Soaped the bejeezus out of our offices and an unable to go home and cover my bathroom in Fabuloso while listening to the difficulties in the lives of the Real Housewives of Orange County, I figured I’d play a quick game of anywhere but here. You guys in?

Sweet. Okay.

Playing the incredibly intoxicating, fabulous Christmas present of the decade, DJ Hero. Grandmaster Flash, hang in there. I’ll be home soon, baby.

Creating some sort of pesto/parmesan concoction with lots of veggies and seafood. Because to me, seafood = summer, and 47 degrees right now may as well be midyear solstice.

Grocery shopping with unlimited funds. The cupboards are bare (thank you, week long vacation), and my super awesome MIL got me a SUSHI MAKER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

Buying the stuff to make white peach sangria (because, hey, doesn’t that sound like it would go reaaaalllyyyy well with that sushi?).

Driving on Oahu along the North Shore listening to Adiemus. (Sounds weird, but it rocks socks.)

All right, I know that last one was a little odd, but I realized that my list of anywhere-but-here’s were kind of pitiful, and I wanted to seem more interesting and a little less mommy’sinarut.

I can’t wait to hear your anywhere but here!

26 December 2009

Mapquest should have a GONNA SUCK icon.


That’s the distance in miles from Colora, Maryland to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Located there is the resort containing my wonderful in laws and my beautiful step children.

9 Hours, 41 minutes.

That’s the amount of time it’s supposed to take to get there, provided there aren’t extenuating circumstances. Like rock slides covering an entire highway (therefore closing the entire highway), Mack trucks in the fast lane going forty miles an hour. Or silly goose fourteen month olds who are screaming because they’ve been in the car for…shit, what was it? Oh, eleven hours and forty five minutes, because mapquest is a BIG FAT LIAR. After driving through some very interesting Deliverance-like, phantom banjo filled, Silent Hill lookin’ twisty turny nonsense, we arrived.

We then had two of the most wonderful days, filled with all the Christmas card stuff you could ask for. Tiny quaint town with German architecture? Check. Outdoor hot tub and 11.5% alcohol by volume Christmas spiced wine? Check. Sledding down a super pretty hill without another soul out there? Check.

6 Hours, 26 Minutes

Again, mapquest, you LIE.

That’s the distance and time from Gatlinburg, Tennessee to Clayton, North Carolina. Located there are my husband’s family, the Christmas tree, dinner, and large amount of spirits to be consumed on Christmas eve. Christmas day was beautiful, calm, and quiet (particularly in comparison to the prior evening). The food rocked, there was an amazing mascarpone cheesecake with candied pecans and dulce de leche sauce, and the table was gorgeous.


The distance from Clayton, North Carolina to Colora, Maryland.

6 Hours, 21 Minutes

Perhaps mapquest should be linked to weather.com, as it rained (literally) our entire drive, and apparently would have continued with us as far as Trenton, New Joisey.
But packed to the gills, suitcases in our laps and a new school Teddy Ruxpin teetering precariously over the youngest, we made the drive in six hours.

Jesus may be the reason for the season, but this year, Exxon made it happen.

Happy Holidays!